As Carol Burnett used to say, "comes the time we have to say so long." At least I hope that's the tune we'll soon be crooning to Genoa City's three nasty girls. Fans began grumbling the moment Patty poured that peroxide on Emily's head. But when Lauren Lookalike came smirking onto the scene, all hell broke loose, and fans began shrieking their disapproval and intent to tune out forever, or at least until times got better.
I know it seems these nasty girls' rein of terror has been going on forever, but even the worst of storylines has to eventually be boxed up and carted off to storage. I checked and there's already been space cleared on a shelf in the newly remodeled Athletic Club basement - right next to my personal non-favorites, the Silver Chipmunk mishmash and the Cameron Kirsten craziness. But one of the best things about any storyline, especially a not-so-thrilling tale, is the moment when all the pieces start to tumble into place. Which almost certainly is going to happen during the coming week.
So fans, take heart, because you just may be able to put our favorite show back on your DVRs. May sweeps has arrived, and it appears Patty, Sarah, and evil twin-in-training, Daisy, have started sliding down the slippery slope that will end with them being bumrushed right outta town.
In the Patty/Emily scenario, it's been perfectly lovely to watch the lights flicker on one by one in Jack's darkened cranium. Finally, he's scraped enough pennies together to buy a clue or two, and I'm sure I'm not the sole fan who wanted to reach through the screen and kiss Emily's brother, Jamie, who was dropping them like the bread crumbs Hansel scattered to lead him and Gretel home. I was practically screaming with glee as Patty tripped and fell headfirst into the trap Emily had set for her as she gushed to Jamie about antiques and apologies, only to be soundly rebuffed. Cat allergy, never tells a lie, haven't spoken since he stole her prescription pad - oh the jewels that dropped from that dear boy's lips! Jack was eating them up and I can't wait for him to use every bit of info he was fed. Please come home with a cat, Jack, and watch your wife give herself away.
Surprisingly enough, once I forced myself to put all the improbables out of my mind, like that convenient bottle of peroxide and the fact that after four months, Emily's hair isn't sporting four inches of dark roots, I've come to enjoy the twists and turns this tale has taken. On one side, Jack's unraveling this tangled ball of yarn one thread at a time and on the other, Heather's out to get irrefutable, scientific proof. Poor Patty's dream is about to become a living nightmare and I wouldn't miss a moment of this payoff even if someone offered me money to do so.
After all the havoc Patty has caused, I never would have thought I'd be able to summon up so much as a shred of sympathy on her behalf, but that's exactly what happened once Lauren Lookalike started in on her. Despite the wrongs Patty has done, she does have an excuse; after all, she is about as crazy as crazy can get, the sole inhabitant of her own itsy, bitsy universe. Not so with Nurse Sarah.
I used to think the real Lauren was a mean girl, the way she used to torment Traci, but that was just high school stuff mean. Sarah, however, has a Ph.D. in hateful behavior. For months now, all we knew of the invisible, but extremely powerful, Mama Bear were the bits and pieces we picked up from Deacon, Daisy, and Ryder. But now that I've seen her in action, it's no wonder no one wanted to cross this broad. She is evil personified, a bad seed who learned at her Daddy Satan's knee. Clearly completely free of a cumbersome conscience, she manipulated Patty into agreeing to their diabolical pact of murder with no qualms whatsoever. Like Adam, she has no remorse or caring for anyone, save herself, and I find it hard to buy into her great love for her equally demonic sister. Despite what she says, I doubt she cares a whit for her alleged niece and nephew either, except to use them as mindless minions, robots programmed to do her bidding.
Daisy obviously inherited the soulless gene carried by Sheila and Sarah, taking great pleasure in tormenting those who, in her warped mind, have wronged her in some obscure way that makes sense only to her, and I fear that years from now she will return as the latest incarnation of evil from that family to torment who knows who for who knows why. But that's for later, if we're really unlucky. For now, she's been ordered to do away with Phyllis, while Patty does the murderous deed with Michael.
You know, of course, that it's never going to happen. Like Daisy would be a match for Phyllis, even in her wheelchair-bound state. Or even Mama Bear, for that matter. This is Phyllis we're talking about. Supergirl's Mom, which must make her Superwoman. By the way, yes I'm scoffing with the rest of the fans at Phyllis tooling around in that wheelchair for a broken leg. Contrived? Of course it is. But now we know why. And Patty murdering Michael? Not a chance in the hot place. Until I saw her squeamish, reluctant reaction to Sarah's plan, I was almost convinced Patty was already a murderess, having previously done in Adam, but my personal pendulum has swung the other way again, back to me not knowing who the heck killed Adam. Or if he's even dead at all. After all, how many years have various Genoa Citians been trying to rid the world of all traces of Sheila, yet that storyline still has legs.
I just don't buy that Victor killed Adam. I believe Victor will do a lot of things, but even in a rage, I really can't see him losing control to such an extent that he'd stab his own son, bad seed though he's proven to be, in the heart, with a pen of all things. I'm with Nick on that one: "A pen to the heart? Are you kidding?" Besides, if Victor hated him like that, why was he prepared to fly him off for a decent burial? Victor has to think he's covering for Nick, who is as much a murderer as I am. But if Patty didn't kill Adam, how did Jack's hanky get in the dead man's mouth? Was that part of the plan Adam concocted with Patty; you know, costume, disposable cell phone, Jack's hanky? Or did she have an encounter with Adam she hasn't yet recollected for us? One in which she plunged a pen into his chest? I won't believe that unless I see it with my own four eyes so for this week at least, I'm returning to my original thought that Adam isn't dead. Unless Mama Bear killed him!
The one person we do know who isn't going to kill anyone is Ryder. With Jana, Lauren, and Kevin all putting the pressure on him, he's so close to his breaking point the strands of his resolve are snapping off and hitting him in the face. The weakest link in the chain of evil, the good in him is sure to overcome the two evil forces that have held him captive, probably for all of his life, and my fingers are crossed he will be the one to set the captives free.
The coming week should be enjoyable for all. If you've stopped tuning in, you probably won't want to miss the next couple of weeks. Not only should the month bring closure to the evil twin storylines, whole new chapters should begin which, hopefully, will bring a return, at least temporarily, to some of the things we started tuning into this show for.
Things like a renewed romance between Victoria and Billy. Jabot being back in the hands of the Abbotts, at least the management of it. By the way, can Jill seriously be surprised or offended that Tucker wouldn't ask her to run Jabot? Jill's a loose cannon who almost never thinks before she acts erratically. Speaking of Ashley, we can all see the love triangle between Ashley, Neil, and Tucker coming a mile away. Nothing against Neil, but I'm rooting for an Ashley/Tucker pairing. Then, there's also the next chapter in Lily's cancer story, Malcolm's secret agenda, the breakup of the Romalotti marriage, because it sure seems all the signs are pointing in that direction. And, of course, the repercussions of Jana and Lauren's captivity, especially Jana. And that's just off the top of my head.
And lastly, will this at long last be the end of Sheila and her relatives?
So much more to talk about, but no more time to say it. So until next you see me in this space, feast your eyes on some of the contents of the e-bag.
One last thing before I call it a wrap. For all you Victoria Rowell (ex-Drucilla Barber Winters) fans, you won't want to miss our own Dan J Kroll's interview with her, this Friday May 7, on Soap Central Live. Even if you're not a fan of Dru's, please consider becoming one of Dan's. For more information, check out: soapcentral.com/radio
